Oppressor's Anthem

So happy to see you here,
Smiling and perfectly calm.
Your friends would never know,
The storm you’re hiding deep down.
I wonder if you know- not to make you feel bad-
But I really need to understand how you can be the same man.


Does it feel good to be good and bad?
Duplicity is so exciting.
Live like you can’t do anything to make her sad,
But you leave her black and blue and crying.


I don’t mean to question your integrity,
Push you off your feet silently,
I just think that you need to give it a moment of thought-
Wrath is good when you face your demons and your God.


How is a lie all right?
You feel your pain, and you hurt her again.
Do you believe the answer lies in you?
Your methods, are they true to you?


I’m glad to see you can stand yourselves,
Happy that you can be the God you say you are.
Saintly action is defined by the Holy ones-
While we just say anything you want to hear,
To heal our broken hearts and assuage our trepid fears.
Your word is law and you’re perfectly clear.

Black Love

Come forth from the lie defined,

Your putrid mind reeks of dementia.

And I’m calling to the you in I,

A separatist movement within the soul.

Nihilence asks of you,

His naked arms freeze my existence to enlightened dust.

-My world is too queerly true,

And I want to see the me in you. 

Today I’m grounded in flight,

Everything almost is,

But naught is without me or I,

A universal fallacy under control,

Religion holds the key,

Its existence armors the me plurally.

-My questions answer no one,

And ask of all that is untrue. 

Bring out a reason in time,

Your essence is imprisoning.

All we ask for is a real I.

Identity that calls us to being,

With only specious words to affirm,

Existentiality cannot conform,

Your vivacity is infinite and diverse.

-My search is inevitably lost for cause,

And the methods infuriatingly few.

The cards you hold and dice you roll,

Will never be what you want them to,

But only because they were born within me for you-

An invisible child that never breathes alone.

For a fear that it’s giver has borne.

An Ugly Truth

I heard a pair of little squirrels scurry away,

I heard tiny voices sing songs: so happy and gay,

I looked and loved what I saw.

(Spontaneity is most beautiful!) 

I heard you happy after many a day,

I heard that you’re on a holiday,

I saw a family glad.

(For the attention)

I heard a helter-skelter rush today,

I heard you scream for everyone to get up and play,

I was pleased to see you worried about de-stressing.

(After all it is most important!)

 

I heard an old man tell of an aged day,

I heard you made an expensive God to which you pray,

I stood amazed to see you ask your gilded creation for wealth.

(It seemed to be an investment of use.)

I heard that life can be pretty today,      

I heard it would be if I spent it keeping it that way,

I felt happy knowing I could justify a waste.

(Anything that distracts from an ugly truth.)

Will you ever fall?

Your light eyes and quick smiles,

The pleasure in your fleeting love,

Your face tells of your mind,

It’s quiet, unrequited desire-

That fills you with an icy fire. 

You know the unconventionality in you,

The happenings that keep escaping through,

The quiet pride you won’t admit,

It’s disastrous legacy-

That keeps you from loving me. 

Your diminished adoration,

From being just a little barren,

Your shaking hands say it all,

The provoked repression of passion-

That never lets you fall.

You know the days that never work,

The closed mind that makes it rough,

The lie you know you’ll tell yourself,

Its miserable fortification-

That leaves you dry and helpless. 

Carelessly Loved

Your little bursts of rare pleasure,

The confusion left the air laden,

All the tension that crept into my way,

Even as it renewed long forgotten wounds;

There was something in your shadowy flame,

Inspiringly juvenile and sporadic flow,

I loved you more than I let you know. 

Your last streaks of adolescent uncertainty,

The politeness stung ever so meekly,

All the emotions that fled to the night,

Even as they made me stray from serenity,

There was something in your burgeoning aura,

Enchantingly sordid and impersonal bearing,

I loved you more than is worth knowing.

BABIES IN BLACK.

The alarm never rang. 

As everything whirled into focus, the sun emerged from its home that God said was Night. They always asked her why she thought Night was the sun’s home. And her answer was always that home was where one came from. She came from the sea: lukewarm and freezing, salty and dirty, but beautiful; blue-green, sparkling with oily clearness… progressive, and rich with poor possessions. The sea was her home and the sea was her architect.

She remembered stormy afternoons when she hid under the bed and listened to violence. She also remembered that it sounded processed and distinctive- the way candy never tastes real, but tastes exactly like candy. It lingered on for days, clinging to the sheets and curtains, the table clothes and kitchen mops, the carpets and towels. It stained the walls and broke the furniture, let glass loose on the floor and made the children and the dogs afraid: fearful but thoughtful, and hopefully scarred. Scars that served to remind family of mistakes unmade and to prepare them for the harsh reality of contrived love; or wrenched love, in her case.

Presently, reminiscence was exhausting her. She began to turn rigid once more: a dry fish wanting water. Sleep crept over her again, jerking her away from consciousness. Her dreams hurt. She saw him again, and she also saw He, or It or Nothing. And a water snake- insipid and abhorrent, the way some things always are. She heard herself scream as it moved towards He, or It, or Nothing. She saw the convulsions, the fleeting bursts of pain. She saw the place where it all began becoming warped, the perversion in the beauty of it all. If He, or It or Nothing had retained vivacity, she might have swum in shallow waters and been oblivious to the repulsiveness of it. But the depths of the ocean were not to let that be- they were obliged to provide a diversity of emotion.

And here she was. Almost dead, and emotionless. An inconsistency that existence was unsure of allowing- aware of the duplicity in taking what was given, and uncertain of how to replace the irreplaceable. The snake wrapped itself around her slender legs. She had been devastated and fulfilled, but this was just a dream, soon to dissipate into a miasma of glitter. 

She’d always considered the matter of thought to be glitter- shiny mirrors of reality- so minuscule, that even the most accurate depictions of truth are utterly distorted into a glamorous haze; where childbirth is morbid. The snake continued to coil around her and there was a sharp pain in her drooping bosom which fell even further as her bones collapsed. And then, she was devastated again; but that was reality, not glitter.

She awoke once more. The Sun was high in the sky, brightening its home like hers never could. A dazzling lamp, born into water. She opened her eyes slowly and begged for the Sun to go back home, disappear into the Night. The Night is alluring, like most homes are- full of love and passion, and the occasional danger of becoming too familiar. The day is too banal; the Sun has a way of highlighting all that is tedious. It was good in a way, that He or It or Nothing was not: because He or It or Nothing was not anticipated. But she had delved deeper than anyone else could- and as she came asunder with the glitter of rational enlightenment, something important became apparent: He or It or Nothing was good. But had ceased to be, and her thoughts were now redundant. The light was slowly becoming bearable. 

As she lay there, awake and asleep, more thoughts began to surround her. He was his executor. It’s assassin. Nothing’s un-doer. Her rapist and an unforgivable Father. Almost? Or forever? She was now indifferent to being torn apart- by both of them. The sea had taught her to ride the waves instead of crashing into them. But waves of glitter aren’t quite as easy to trick, and it was prophesized that her compulsory submission would drain her. 

Her eyes finally opened wide enough to see the clouds pass by her window. Transient, like everything that is tangible- even the diamonds in the dust. She wondered if He, or It, or Nothing; was a diamond in the dust. Buried away, perhaps to bring maturity. Or maybe He, or It, or Nothing was a blood diamond- destined to beget wreckage and distrust. Or, just a diamond: to fuel a life otherwise insolvent. She could not tell pain from anger, and anger from exhaustion. 

Right now, she was fish dust. Sandy, like a dried out ocean… sandy and infinite. And infinitesimal, like each grain of the arid expanse. Losing her gorgeous, dirty, brown to a pale and jaundiced skin. Fading from the vast blue into scant and sparse oases. She was sick, but not dead. She was a live stencil to the child who had just died, quietly:

Like the alarm that never rang. 

The Walk.

(Stage is bare except for a backdrop which is half white, half black, divided by yellow lines (like on a road) down the center. Actor stands in front of this line and takes a few steps. Half the stage has dim lighting and the other half bright lighting.)

I walk alone tonight. Alone, but in a straight line. One, vertical, linear. Equilibrium. Lukewarm. Balanced. Comfortably numb, uncomfortably sensitive. Indifferent, Static, Steady. 

What for? Why not. 

 Lost? Confused? Angry? Sad? Pitiful?  Helpless? Tired? Weak? Dizzy?

Yesterday. 

(Actor spins of line into the black/dim side and lies down) 

(Awakes from sleep, clutching herself, crying.)

No! I beseech you, cease to haunt me! I hate you… I hate you for the filth that has forever scarred me- I hate you for teaching me hatred, for forcing me to know impurity. 

(Picks up mirror.)

How I hate mirrors!  Reminders of how you pervade and surround me- like the fire that burns within and beyond the warmest glowing ember! Proof of your assault, proof of my pathetic weakness. Deceit… This isn’t me!  

(Breaks it.)

That’s better. 

(Smiles.)

Broken. Shattered. Crushed. Hurt. Ravaged. Bloody. Torn. Beaten. Battered. Taken. Owned. Used. Abused.

(From background)

“You need two hands to clap,

But just one to attack,

A finger to berate,

But naught to devastate.”

(Shells up on the floor, holds head)

I’m addicted to pain now. I need to hurt to feel. I need the layers of dejection, frustration, anger, hatred, delusion, sting, soreness, desperation, perplexity: PAIN; to surmount me, consume me… Because your remainders never fade- they haunt me.

I long to find justice or reason. 

(Actor spins back onto line) 

I ran last night. Ran with the speed of flight. Ran in search. For reason. For love. For goodness. For grace. For beauty. For joy. For positivity. For vivacity. For passion. For motivation. For life.  

I ran away. Away from damage. Away from injury. Away from man.

Selfish. Apathetic. Callous. Vindictive. Cruel.

A side note: Do not contest those who have seen.

And what good? I found. 

Today.

(Actor spins off line and into white, bright side) 

I noticed. 

Your tiny face. Your short, stubby fingers. Your penetrating gaze. Your soon lost, smiling eyes. Your innocent silences. Your heartfelt love. Inhibition like yours is so seldom found- it's beautiful life so seldom lived, my lives, my worlds: you make everything brighter with your childish abandon and bizarre eloquence! 

Your clumsy hands and careful heart lift me to the skies with love; your silly laugh and passionate desire charm me, and hold me in endless rapture. Your complete affection and unfaltering observation fill me with wonder; your beauty exceeds humanity... you're super human, you're not a mistake: you're heavenly perfection; you're an angel testament to god's grace.

And you. Your impassive tears and vulnerable form awaken my maternity. Your pure embrace and thoughtless confidence let me realize my integrity. Your ever learning mind inspires my watchfulness even as your delicate fragility arouses my meticulous attention to detail; you’re the reason humanity can redefine itself. 

The proof of procreation’s dire necessity. 

I found reasons to be me. 

Alive. Whole and good. Flawless. Beautiful. Happy. Radiant. 

(Actor spins back onto line) 

Tomorrow- they’ll strike again. Sinister, inconsiderate, man will surface and destroy- break your heart, tear you apart, thieve your joy, crush your dreams, use you, forget you, look through you. 

But tomorrow, I’ll be intact from the start. 

You shine bright: the brightest beacons of hope in the gloomiest and vilest of nights- you glow with divine love- brilliance that consumes the darkest of desires. 

You gave me a way. And I walk upon it today. Straight. Unwavering. Alone, but not lonely. Fearful, but not afraid. Innocent, but not naïve. Educated, but not conditioned. Trusting, but not gullible. Natural, but not ordinary. Dazzling, but not decadent. Unseen, but not invisible. Careful, but not wary. Loving, but not amorous. Passionate, but not fervent. Devoted, but not pious. Following, but not a follower. 

I walk because mine is to walk. 

I walk because I walk to you. 

(Actor begins to walk in down the line as lights fade out and song plays.)

“Follow me, into the unseen,

These sapphire skies,

They seem alive,

Past the clouds,

And through the oceans deep:

To somewhere no one ever feared,

Holding an angels hand,

And everyday would be unplanned!

In love’s arms, where I belong,

Tonight… Oh…

Mother, never let me lose this sight.

Follow me, into the unseen,

These sapphire skies,

They seem alive,

Past the clouds,

And through the oceans deep:

To somewhere I know we could be,

Where I can sing my song,

And the world would sing along!

My eyes would shine through crystal clear,

And my heart would always hear,

Your call, Oh…

Father, pick me up if I fall.

Follow me, into the unseen,

These sapphire skies,

They seem alive,

Past the clouds,

And through the oceans deep:

Life’s not that long and no one’s wrong,

It’s never too late,

But nothing should ever wait!

All I can do is share and care,

And let you know I’ll always be there-

Oh… Mother, never take me away.

(Never take me away…)

(away, away… away.)

Follow me, into the unseen,

These sapphire skies,

They seem alive,

Past the clouds,

And through the oceans deep…”

A Passionate Sear

Lock me away,

I’m behind glass doors-

Intuition tells me something I don’t want to hear. 

Hide in the day,

I can see you but I can’t speak,

It’s torture to keep a secret when it’s so clear. 

Find me a play,

Acting out an honest lie,

Where it isn’t wrong to cry when there’s a tear. 

Be joyful and gay,

Your love shines in happy bursts,

I glow asunder when your heart is so near. 

Please show me a way,

Reclusion isn’t a good path to be on,

That action whispers of trepid fear. 

Come hold me today,

It makes anything better,

A burn that gladdens is a passionate sear.