Sometimes I dream that you’re dead
You are lying there lifeless
Pale and flaccid
It’s the first time I feel peace around you
It feels strange to be in your presence
Without any fear
To be seen and heard
Even with you in the room.
My mind is oddly quiet
No internal broadcast of the cruel things you’ve said or could say
No soundless screams of frustration
No tentative shivering about what might set you off
No breakneck evaluating of safe or unsafe to share
It’s just you and me in the moment
Maybe this is why I’ve always wanted to die
In my sleep
Death feels a lot like love
